Tag: sex

Sexpert/

How I Became Comfortable with my BF Watching Porn

Before being in a relationship I would have fuckbuddy’s. We would watch porn together or they would watch porn alone. Either way, I was fine with it. I figured we were never going to end up in a long term relationship so there was no reason to bug them about it. 

It was not until I got into a relationship when  I felt some type of way when I found out my partner was watching porn without me. Yes, we’d watch porn together and it was fine, but alone? “Why would he need to watch porn alone,” is what I was thinking.  All these emotions started coming up. Emotions I would hear from couples in the past that I never thought I’d experience myself. I felt confused, betrayed, insecure, and jealous. 

I’m here to tell you, you are not alone for feeling the way you do when you discover your partner watches porn. It can be a terrible feeling especially when done secretly. 

With that being said, I still don’t believe that finding your partner watching porn should be a deal breaker in relationships. Of course, that is up to you to decide but hear me out. Most of the reasons why one wouldn’t be okay with their partner watching porn has a lot to do with internal issues that haven’t been resolved. 

It wasn’t easy for me to accept my partner watching porn at first. We had to have a lot of honest and vulnerable conversations with each other. There were tears, laughter, and feelings of embarrassment but it was all worth it. It made our relationship stronger and we got to know each other more along the way.

Since becoming comfortable with the fact my partner watches porn, I feel less stressed. I’m now able to focus on the bigger picture instead of focusing on something I cannot control.

I’m also able to practice what I stand for with Sexish which is to help others embrace their sexuality. Either being an advocate for women to playing with themselves or being an advocate for men who want to jerk off alone because they have fantasies, too. As long as no one is getting hurt in the process, I’m here for it!

How to be comfortable with your partner watching porn:

1.Have a conversation with your partner: Once you begin to feel some type of way when you find out your partner watches porn, journal your feelings or talk about it with a friend first. It’s never a good idea to have a conversation when you are upset. You’ll end up going off on your emotions which are not always true. 

Once you’re ready to have a conversation, be honest and open with your partner about how him watching porn makes you feel. You can even use this time to ask him any questions that will answer any of your assumptions you had about him to make you feel more comfortable.

Also, you’ll notice just having your partner listen and respect you will make you feel better. Often during these moments we feel that our partner might not care or even want to listen to what we have to say about this topic. You’d be surprise what a conversation can do!

Keep in mind that masturbating and watching porn for your partner might be a private thing so, proceed the conversation in a non judgmental way. 

2. Define what cheating means to you: Does cheating involve a physical person? Is emotionally flirting considered cheating? Is watching someone else fuck considered cheating?

Ask yourself these questions and if you end up with the answer of “porn is not cheating,” then try to reframe your thoughts on porn. Porn has always had a bad rep in the media and it’s not a surprise that it’s the reason why you dislike the idea of your partner watching it. 

I like to think of pornstars as performers since they are performing an act that most of us can not do. Or, I like to think of pornstars as strictly fantasy and that my boyfriend will never get a chance to bang them in real life. Thinking this way makes me less insecure he’s going to cheat on me with them. 

Once you’ve established the definition of cheating with each other, you will feel more comfortable knowing where both of you stand in your relationship.

3. I stopped being controlling:  Another way I started to become comfortable with the fact my partner watches porn is by getting rid of the idea that I can change him. As much as I’d like for him to only fantasize about me, I would be a hypocrite if I forced that on him. 

Let’s be real, whenever I feel sexy, I throw on porn and masturbate. I’ll fantasize about the big black dicks on the screen and wish that I was the woman being gang banged. If that was taken away from me, I’d be devastated. I would hate for anyone to feel they cannot express themselves sexually especially if that is something they do in private. If I’m really uncomfortable about the topic I will make sure to leave before I shame someone for expressing their sexuality. 

4. Make porn watching an activity you do together: If you’re still getting used to your partner watching porn, try watching porn with them. Watching porn together will give you guys the opportunity to learn new things about each other sexually as well as grow your relationship stronger.

By doing this, you get a sneak peak of their world they go into when they are watching porn. You’ll most likely take it less personally the next time you think of them watching porn because you’ll know that he does this activity for fun and you’ll realize it has nothing to do with the relationship. 

5. Why do you feel that way?: It’s important to understand why you feel the way you do. Pretend you already know the backstory to why your partner watches porn. He’s told you that it has nothing to do with you, that he loves your body the way it is, and that masturbating to porn is part of exploring his sexuality. That, pulse you watch porn, too. 

If after that, you cannot get over the fact that he watches porn, maybe it’s time to talk to your therapist or someone about this topic. This topic can be triggering for you and it’s worth finding out why. If we say we’re confident and secure with ourselves, why do we still have an issue?

Watching porn is normal! While it’s easy to think about the negative reasons why one watches porn, there are plenty of positive ones. Such as education, arousal, self curiosity, boredom, stress relief, etc. Because there are so many positive reasons why your partner watches porn, I believe you can be comfortable with this fact! 

When it comes to sexuality, we cannot be hypocrites. Just because we were told this narrative about porn doesn’t mean we have to stick with it. We are a new generation of sexual beings and we should look at it with a different perspective. It is not fair to judge someone for exploring their sexuality differently.

(I go back and forth between partner and bf without even thinking about it. I believe all my posts can be relatable to all genders. So, if it gets confusing, sorry!)

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @sexishh

That's What She Said/

Sometime’s a Small dick is all You Need

I love my friends back home in New York because they’re like me. They love to talk about sex! There is no such thing as too much information about our sex lives. Which is why this weekend my friend did not hesitate to send me a voice memo that she is messing with a “Short Dick King.”

“It was the best- that I’ve had for a very long time.” ” I believe there are certain dicks that are made for certain vaginas.”

Of course the jokes of “small dicks” flooded the chat but in all seriousness, I think she had something going when she said that certain dicks are made for certain vaginas.

I, myself, love me a big, long, thick dick even when there are times when I think my pussy can’t handle it. Personally, that’s the part I like. I like the struggle and the small amount of pain I endure when it’s half way in. That is what extra extra lube is for!

Give Small Dicks a Chance

While I’ve had my fair share of big ol’ dicks, I’ve also had experiences with smallish to medium size dicks. Not all of my experiences were terrible which is why I think we need to give them more credit.

When I think about those times, I remember my pussy being much wetter. It was very slippery. My pussy had to do less work to make it work and my pussy wasn’t mad at that.

Porn & Big Dicks

We always talk about women comparing themselves to pornstars and we forget men do it too. Just like porn makes some women feel insecure about their performance, porn makes men feel insecure about their dick size. Imagine them seeing a women screaming with pleasure because they’re being dicked down by a gigantic dick. Who wouldn’t feel some type of way from it.

Male pornstars are performers too! They are sought out for one thing and one thing only, their dick size. That is why you’ll notice most of the men are not really attractive. But who’s looking at them anyways? (no offense)

In reality, finding a big dick like the ones on BLACKED is a rare find. And when one does find one, it’s often intimidating and uncomfortable.

Women are coming out about pain

I’m starting to notice that more women are coming out about pain during sex and it’s because some dicks are too painful for women to handle. Which is normal! I encourage more women to talk about their pain during sex because there is too much noise from society on what type of dick we should be enjoying.

Luckily there are accessories to add during sex if you want to adjust the depth of how deep a dick can go. Check out Ohnut if you are experiencing this pain.

Consistent pain during sex is not normal and you should consult with a doctor if you’re experiencing this.

Benefits of Small Dicks

Big dicks has it’s perks but don’t sleep on the smaller dicks! They have their own benefits too. Let us normalize smaller dick sizes because that is most of the population. I want to hear more, “I loved the small/medium size dick I had last night!”

With the right positions and right moves, you will be able to cum just as hard as you would with a big dick. You might even find that you have more fun after experiencing one!

1. Giving a blowjob : If you give blowjobs, the idea of deep throating a dick has crossed your mind. For some, it’s a goal and for some, it feels impossible to attempt because all they’ve ever been faced with are big dicks. Luckily with a smaller dick, your blowjob skills will go from 0-100 real quick!

What you couldn’t do to a big dick before you can do to a smaller dick but even better. Your man will be so impressed seeing you take their entire dick in your mouth.

TIP: When you have his dick in your mouth tell him how good it feels to boost his confidence. Remember, the more confident you feel the better you will perform. Check out my post on Ways to boost your confidence during sex.

2. Anal sex won’t hurt as much: The reason for most painful anal sex is from the insertion of a large object/large dick in a small bootyhole. It also doesn’t help that most people feel intimidated by the act which will make it more difficult to relax in the situation.

With a smaller dick, pain will obviously be less painful due to the size. So if you’ve been wanting to try anal, get yourself a small dick. Don’t forget the lube! You’ll still need it even with a smaller dick.

3. Your pussy stays wet longer: It’s a fact that when you have a bigger dick in you, the harder it is for your pussy to stay lubricated. Dr. Jennifer Landa, MD, OB-GYN, and Chief medical officer at BodylogicMD told POPSUGAR, “For women with hormonal changes in perimenopause and menopause, a smaller penis can be beneficial because these women tend to have less lubrication and the cells of the vagina actually shrink in menopause, which can make accommodating a larger penis more difficult.”

I can definitely back this up. When I was in a relationship before my hoe days, I realized how wet I would get. It was not until I started messing with bigger dicks that I realized I started to dry up faster. I was so confused to why this was happening but it did teach me about lube!! A must!

Check out my favorite sex shops to find the perfect lube. Use code sexish10 for JO &  #lubelife

4. He compensates in other areas: Men with smaller dicks know they lack in size therefore they will go above and beyond to pleasure their partner. They will try to compensate for other areas in the bedroom. For example, if they’re not good with their stroke game best believe they’re going to perfect eating your pussy out or even be more accepting of sex toys in the bedroom.

Penetration isn’t everything, actually only 30% of women are orgasming from it. What does that say? Big dicks, you might be doing something wrong. If you find yourself with someone who has a smaller penis, try to include more foreplay. Foreplay will get you heated so fast that you might even forget about the size.

5. Kinks: When I was a Dominiatrix I was introduced to the kink of small penis humiliation. “Small penis humiliation is a form of verbal erotic humiliation involving the penis where a dominant person usually consensually degrades a submissive’s penis.” The person doesn’t necessarily have to have a small penis to enjoy this type of degrade. It’s mainly the idea of making them feel their dick is useless that turns them on.

Of course this is something you would have to discuss with your partner to see if they’re okay with this type of humiliation. Don’t just make fun of your partner’s penis size out of nowhere. That’s just plain mean.

Hey, how would you know you don’t like it if you don’t try?! It can be real hot when you think of it as a dominant/submissive play. This is a little extreme but it’s worth checking out on porn if you’ve never seen it.

As you can see, a smaller dick is not the end of the world! It just means you might have to get a little more creatively sexy which is not a terrible thing! That sounds exciting! So, don’t be discouraged by the size and continue to rock the boat, rock the boat!

 

Have you had experiences with a smaller dick? What are the ways you make it work?

Stay Sexy & Curious
Instagram:@sexishh

Sexpert/

How To get Ready for Sex in less than 15 Minutes

Check list to get ready for sex

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re chillin at home with your bun up, in sweatpants and you’re still in the underwear you had on from last night then you get a sexy text from the person you’re fucking. Or, you’re at a bar and you meet someone at happy hour and they’re making you drip and they want to take you home. Whether it’s your fuck buddy, your boyfriend or someone you just met and they’re telling you they want to eat your pussy so good and they’re on their way while you’re in this predicament, you need to prepare quick!

Luckily my hoe days have prepared me for any situation where I only have at most 15 minutes to get ready. You don’t need to shower, you don’t need to go to the salon, you just need a couple of things that I bet you already have in your makeup bag. If not, a simple target run can fix that.

So you get the “I’m on my way” text. Don’t panic, just head to the bathroom. Everything you need is in there.

Wash your punani

If a shower is not possible, get yourself a washcloth and wet it with warm water and soap. Make sure to ring out all the soap from the washcloth so that it doesn’t mess with your PH balance.

Give your punani a good wash. Get in the folds of your labia and don’t forget to get in the fold of your clit to clean the smega out. Smega”Smegma is a combination of shed skin cells, skin oils, and moisture. “ It’s basically the equivalence to what collects under an uncircumcised dick. I know the word sounds gross but hey, we have it and we need to clean it. To clean this, just lift the hood of your clit and rub your clit gently.

Your booty is important too! Get in that bootyhole.

If you don’t have a washcloth use wipes! You can always carry this in your purse for emergencies. They work just as good.

Also, don’t forget to wear perfume!

Use powdered/cream makeup

When you’re in a rush, a full makeup beat is not possible and also not necessary. You’re mostly likely going to get your brains blown out with good dick and trust me, your highlight and contour won’t matter. And let’s be real, the makeup is not for the man. If anything, they could care less how you look as long as your pussy is working. But because we as women want to look “put together,” you can still do that with light and easy makeup.

I suggest using powder or cream makeup since they’re the easiest to apply.

I love using Mineralize Skinfinish Natural Face Powder by MAC with a big fluffy brush. Using a fluffy brush will give you a translucent to light coverage which is all you need to looking fresh.

Photo from Ulta
Photo from Ulta

 

Photo from Sephora

 

Using the same brush from your foundation, sweep on blush on your cheeks. I use ORGASM from NARS which is universally beautiful on everyone. I love this blush since it already has sparkles which is basically a blush and highlighter at one! 2 in 1s are helpful in these situations.

Photo from Sephora

 

 

I love keeping this in my bag just incase I forget the rest of my makeup. It’s a Lip and Cheek stick so give it a swipe wherever you need it and then you’re done.

Photo from Ulta

 

 

This is a must have!!! I don’t leave the house without this. This is the final step to everything. Spray this on your face after your apply your makeup and watch your makeup become skin. It’s like water for your skin!

Even if you don’t put makeup on and you apply this alone, you’re face will thank you!

Photo from Ulta

 

 

Hair

If your fuck buddy caught you at a time with “dirty hair” because you were waiting for next week to wash your hair, don’t worry, dry shampoo to the rescue! Dry shampoo can do wonders for your hair. There are times where I’m even surprised how good my hair turns out. It’s like when I think I have no more hairstyles, dry shampoo does something different.

Dry shampoo absorbs the dirt, oil and grease from your hair without washing it.

I use this from Bumble and bumle.

I love putting this in my hair even if it’s just a bun. It’ll make a messy bun look intentional.

Stretch

Once you’ve got the appearance all set, it’s time to stretch and get your body ready. Before getting dressed, do some stretches. Just like you should warm up for a workout, it doesn’t hurt to warm up before fucking! I love doing poses that open up my hips and hamstrings. Some of my favorite poses to get into are sleeping pigeon, butterfly pose, lunge to an easy twist, lizard, downward dog , cat and cow.

Have fun

Remember, have fun! Appearance isn’t everything but it is proven when we feel good we perform better. So do what you have to do to get your sexy on! :*

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh

Sexpert/

Women Should Start Expecting Orgasms when they Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how easily it is for men to orgasm compared to you? It seems like all men need is penetration to orgasm and they’re good. It’s more complicated for us women.

We need scenery, we need vibes, we need comfort.

In other words, we need to be in the right mindset. If our mind is wandering, it can take us from a couple of minutes to hours to orgasm or sometimes we don’t even orgasm at all.

This is an Orgasm gap. An Orgasm gap is the discrepancy in orgasms between couples. A 2017 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior studied over 52,500 adult Americans. What they found is crazy but not surprising. They found that 95% of men said they usually or always climaxed while only 65% of women said they usually or always climaxed. That sounds like a gaped asshole to me.

Illustration by @Janailustration

There are many reason to why we have this orgasm gap. One of the reasons is what I mentioned above. We need to be in the right mindset to have an orgasm. Have you ever wondered why we’re so turned on one moment then as soon as we think about doing our laundry even for just a second, we’re totally not into it anymore? If this happens to you, this is normal. Unfortunately, once we get distracted, it’s hard for some of us to get back into it.

Another reason for the orgasm gap is because we are not familiar with our bodies.

According to a study from YouGov, there is a lack of knowledge about the female anatomy from both men and women. While both genders were able to identify where the clitoris was, it was a different story for when they had to identify the vulva, vagina, and the labia. How can we know what makes us orgasm if we don’t know what feels good to us? This is why it’s so important that women masturbate and get to know their bodies. If we confidently know what feels good to us, it’ll be easier for us navigate our partner around our body.

Last but not least, the orgasm gap is still prevalent because while some of us women will roll over to grab our vibrators to make sure we orgasm, there are many of us who won’t. In fact, because many women are not orgasming during sex they are expecting every sexual encounter or session with their partner to be the same, ORGASM-LESS!

A study at Rutgers not only proves that there is an Orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women, but found out that because women know there is this gap, they “put less emphasis on the importance of orgasm for their sexual satisfaction compared to men “.

“Our expectations are shaped by our experiences, so when women orgasm less, they will desire and expect to orgasm less,” said Grace Wetzel, a Rutgers social psychology doctoral student who advocates for orgasm equity to her 10,000 followers onsocial media. “If women do lower their expectations in this way, the more orgasm inequality may perpetuate in relationships.”

Don’t let the orgasm gap fool you into thinking achieving an orgasm is impossible. It just means we need to get to know our bodies more and start expecting to orgasm every time we have sex. Not sometimes, but all the time. We need to acknowledge the importance of our pleasure and the empowerment we get from it.

Forget the mindset where you expect to not orgasm because you don’t think it’s possible or you think you have to lay there and “take it. Just like you can change a negative thought to a positive one, you can tell yourself that you deserve to have an orgasm every time!

As women, we’re programmed to cater to our partners and worry about their feelings. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re coming too. It’s time to start thinking about yourself.

– Next time it takes you a while to orgasm, have a talk with your partner about being more patient if you feel some type of pressure.

– Having trouble orgasming can be linked to not knowing your body enough. Try to make more time to masturbate to figure out what feels good for you. You can even ask your partner to join you if you want to make this an exploring session.

– Some people may not be comfortable using their hands to masturbate. Head over to your local sex shop and ask what toys will work for you.

Remember, part of being able to change the world is by owning every part of yourself, that includes your erotic.Try taking your pleasure power back by telling yourself that you are going to orgasm today no matter what. Watch how many orgasm come afterwards.

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh

Sexpert/

How to Start Enjoying Giving Blowjobs

If you asked me years ago if I liked giving blowjobs, it would’ve been a “HELL NOOOO!” I would’ve been okay living the rest of my life without giving a single blowjob. I remember thinking how much it felt like a chore, like a force of nature. I hated the idea of getting on my knees just to get lock jawed and receive bad head afterwards.

It was not until one day I had a dick in my mouth when I realized the power I held.

Suddenly I’m the one pulling my partner’s pants down at 8 in the morning. I believe once we change the way we perceive blowjobs, we can enjoy giving them more and use it to our advantage. Grab your pillow ladies, because you are going to LOVEEE being on your knees… teehee.

1. Think About How Much you Love your Partner

I notice when I’m having the best time giving my partner head, it is when I’m thinking about how much I love him! I’m thinking about how much his pleasure means to me and in return I give him what he deserves. I don’t know about you, but I love seeing my man happy especially if I’m the reason for it. Thinking of it as an act of love makes giving head more enjoyable.

2. Create BJ Goals for Yourself

Giving a blowjob shouldn’t feel like a job! It should be fun. It’s sex! Sex is the time for you to be playful with your partner and to learn more about each others bodies. Create mini goals when you’re giving your man a blowjob. Challenge yourself and tell him you’ll make him cum in less than 10 minutes. You’ll find yourself giving him the best blow job just trying to fulfill this goal.

3. Grab Your Sex Toy

Giving a blowjob doesn’t have to feel one sided. Your pleasure matters too. Try grabbing your favorite sex toy or your favorite dildo and use it on yourself while you’re going down on him. Picture both of you guys coming at the same time! Drool* If holding the vibrator is distracting, there are harnesses you can attach to a pillow so that you can use your vibrator hands free.

For a dildo, there are plenty of dildos that have suction at the bottom so throw that thing on the floor and ride it baby!

Wand Essentials Passion Universal Wand Harness
ALAN DUAL DENSITY VIBRATING DILDO KIT

 

4. Make it Interesting

I love mentioning the grapefruit technique because it’s surprisingly a hit! All of the times I’ve tried it, it was better than expected for the man. Get yourself a juicy grapefruit and cut a hole in the middle. Have your man sit down with his eyes blindfolded. Slowly put the grapefruit on his dick and start sucking while squeezing the grapefruit. It’ll be a tastey experience for you while you watch your man drown with pleasure.

Grapefruit

 

5. Think about the Power of Good Head

If you’ve received good head before, you know you’re cooking breakfast for them. It’s just something we naturally do when we’re thankful for something. A good blowjob will have your man get you ice cream at 2 in the morning, it will have a him say “yes” to eating his ass, it might even get you that date night you’ve been waiting for! Any man will tell you what they would do for good head. Take advantage of that.

6. Try Getting Real Good at it

When you’re told you’re good at something you don’t want to stop doing it. It’s the same with giving head. Once you know how good you are at it, you won’t want to stop showing off your skills to your partner. Let your partner know that you love a good verbal feedback. Hearing someone cheer me on while I’m giving head always makes it more fun. Remember, practice makes perfect! Try watching blowjob porn to learn new techniques to try on your partner.

7. We Have All the Power

We have the power as soon as we put that dick in our mouth. We made a choice to put it in our mouth and we can stop whenever we want. Don’t ever feel like you have to do it for someone else if you’re not comfortable. This is the beauty of sex, consent!! Just changing your mind to thinking that you have all the control will help you enjoy giving blowjobs more.

The secret to good head is not the techniques but the attitude you have while giving head.

You can always tell if someone isn’t in the mood to giving head, you’ll feel it in your body. So try to change your point of view of blowjobs and give it another try. I promise both of you will be happy!

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @sexishh

LELO The Enigma

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