Tag: confidence

Tell Your Partner What you Want Sexually

Happy Monday!! Sorry, I’ve been slacking with my posts! A lot has been happening and I was away this past weekend at New Orleans celebrating my 2 year anniversary with my Boo. But, I’m back with a sex post that I promise you will change your sex life forever!

Continuing Spice Up Your Sex Life Challenge for this month, I have “Tell Your Partner What You Want Sexually” on the calendar.  In other words, don’t wait for him to tell you what he wants from you in bed, YOU tell him what you want from him! This will prevent a lot of running back to your girlfriends and gossiping about what you didn’t get in bed.

I think the reason why so many people believe men love sex more than women is because men are more vocal about sex and what they want in the bedroom. We can learn something from them because this seems to work for them not only in the bedroom but in the professional world. Hewlett Packard did a study on why women weren’t in top management and Forbes put it like this, “Men are confident about their ability at 60%, but women don’t feel confident until they’ve checked off each item on the list.”

When it comes to sex, we women check the box for everything on the list. I don’t know what that list looks like but I know that we check it all! I know this because I’ve seen what men will do for us and there is no way we can go wrong! The only times things go wrong is when we don’t ask for what we want to feel fulfilled.

Actually, what men don’t tell you is that they love it when a woman knows what they want in bed. You’d be surprised by how many men actually just want to sit down and not think about the next move. From experience, men are turned on by me because I know specifically what turns me on, what positions make me look good, and most importantly, what makes me feel good. Best believe if I want my booty spanked I will grab his hand and show him how I want to be spanked.

TRY THIS: Think about all the times you had sex with someone and then afterwards felt like something was missing. Sit down with yourself and list the things you wish would’ve happened for the moment to be more satisfying for you. Do you wish that he went down on you longer? Do you wish that he was more gentle with your clit? Do you wish that you didn’t feel rushed sucking his dick? Do you wish foreplay was longer? Do you wish he wouldn’t call you a bitch during sex? Do you wish that he could’ve pulled your hair a little harder?

Think about your perfect sex session and how that looks like. Of course, keep in mind that you can’t control the situation completely but you are able to do things for yourself that will make you feel more empowered and less shameful. 

If you’re intimidated by this, you can always start slow by saying “no” or speaking up when you feel uncomfortable. You’ll eventually get used to being more vocal in which you’ll begin to see your sex life change for the better!

I hope this advice helps and you give it a try! Remember, you can always go back to being submissive and not ask for what you want if you don’t like it.

The Spice up Your Sex Life challenge is supposed to challenge your way of thinking about what you already believe in. It’s to show you what could happen if you step out of your comfort zone. Make sure to leave a comment if you’re participating in this challenge. Again, you don’t need to follow the challenge everyday. If anything, treat it like BINGO and see how many you can do this month! That’s what I’m doing! HAVE FUN!!

Stay Sexy & Curious!


Ways to Boost your Confidence Before sex

If you ask anyone who is having amazing, drooling, sexy sex what the sexiest thing they find in their partner, I bet they’d answer their CONFIDENCE.

Confidence: (noun) the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

Confidence is something you need if you want to excel in anything. It’s what sets you apart from everyone else. When you are confident everyone around you feels it. It’s an energy that goes unnoticed. That same confidence applies in the bedroom.

Before I tell you a couple of ways on how to boost your confidence before sex, I suggest that you start with an open communication with your partner about the things that turn both or several of you on. This will allow you to adjust some of the tips below so that it makes sense to your relationship.

Communication doesn’t have to be boring or a turn off. It can be sexy! Try talking dirty, asking questions or try to look out for feedback in the way they move. While I’d love to keep on going with the importance of communication, I’ll save it for later.

Why do you need confidence in the bedroom? If you don’t have confidence, something or your partner will have to compensate for it. Your focus should be on pleasure and connection, not insecurities. Just like you can pose in front of the mirror like a superhero to gain confidence, theres things you can do before sex that can give you the confidence to perform your best.

EXERCISE: Before sex I like to make sure that my body feels and looks plump and ready to go. I like to stand in front of the mirror (preferably a long mirror) and do a couple of sets of squats to get the blood flowing to my glutes. Have you ever heard of being swoll right after the gym? It’s when your body looks plump from lifting heavy. So not only internally will you be feeling amazing but your body will show it. To me, I personally feel great if my ass looks great so squatting is the exercise for me. I’d say to work on your favorite body part right before so that you feel your sexiest.

If you’re not into exercising, try twerking or dancing in front of the mirror. I find that it helps just as much with my confidence. Every time I put on dancehall music and I get real into it, that’s when I feel my sexiest. Doing this before sex will get you ready to go.

PUT ON MAKEUP: I don’t care what men think about when it comes to why women put on makeup but it’s always for us! Sorry not sorry. We know that men have no idea what the purpose of choosing a lighter concealer for under the eyes does for us.

“Putting on makeup is like putting on a pair of high heels. It gives you confidence and makes you feel more in control,” says Sonia Kashuk, makeup artist and founder of Sonia Kashuk Beauty.

The next time you need a confidence boost, try putting on makeup the way you like it. When you have control of what you put on your face, you’ll have control of what you get in the bedroom.

LINGERIE: I was never a lingerie person in the past. I always thought that it would be ripped off my body and it would be a waste. What I didn’t know about wearing lingerie was that I actually like the physical act of someone ripping off the lingerie. Something about it feels so raw, passionate, and sexy.

I love to wear lingerie when I want to surprise my partner. It makes me feel in control when I know what I have on is going to turn his dick out.

For my lingerie, I like to go to Victoria’s Secret, Savage, or I’ll just go to the lingerie section of a store and try to match the closet bra and panty.

PEP TALK: Just like you give yourself a pep talk before making a speech, I give myself a pep talk in the mirror before sex. I like to take an “Issa” moment and remind myself of what a bad ass bish I am! How beautiful I am. How open I am to feel what I’m about to feel. Remember no one can love you as much as you love yourself.

SEND A NAUGHTY TEXT: Another way to boost your confidence before sex is sending your partner a naughty text. Sending a naughty text is a great way to keep your relationship more interesting.

“All relationships require care and maintenance,” Dr. Manly tells Bustle. “When sexual intimacy is nurtured as an important element, the relationship tends to stay very bonded over time.”

This helps my confidence because it makes me feel like I’m in control of the situation. My partner knows when he gets a text from me that I’m feeling sexy and he can’t wait to get home.

MASTURBATE/WATCH PORN : What’s great about porn now a days is that you can find a porn that is for YOU! You no longer have to watch raunchy porn on pornhub or eporner (I still love it 😡 ) . There’s porn that’s made by women and regular people.

Try watching porn and masturbating before sex. When I masturbate, I’m able to let myself go. I feel like I’m preparing my body for pleasure and it feels so sexy! I use this time to love my body and be grateful that I can make myself cum. When you know how to make yourself cum, you won’t have a problem guiding your partner when they need help.

I also love watching porn to keep my sex move toolbox fresh. I love being in front of the mirror and imitating what my favorite pornstar is doing. I love feeling like a pornstar and if that’s how you like to feel too, give that a try. 😉

Glamour has a list of pornsites they think women would like. It’s worth to look at.

Everybody’s definition of sexy is different, so some of these tips might not work for you. Find what makes you sexy and do it. It is worth creating habits that make you feel sexy. It reflects in the real world and in the bedroom.

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