Tag: sexuality

Reasons Why You’re Not Achieving your Sex Goals

It’s 2023 people! 2020 sucked, 2021 sucked even more, 2022 almost sucked but it seems like at the last minute we figured out what we had to do to make 2023 the best year!

I know, I know, I’m tired of hearing that, too. ” This year is going to be the best year!”

What year have you actually said that and actually meant it? I find that every year my goals pile up on top on each other and they ever get fulfilled.

This year, I refuse to be that person who says that and doesn’t see any change.

This year, I want to achieve more of my sex goals. Last year, my main focus was figuring out how to handle my emotions. I was experiencing new things so fast all at once that I found myself feeling overwhelmed most of the time. It was hard to feel sexy in the moments when I had to take responsibility for actions that I never knew were a problem until now. My emotions put a block on my sexual journey.

I’m happy to say that I’ve learned plenty of new tools to handle my emotions and I think, actually I know, I’m ready to get back on my sexual journey. I’m ready to have orgasms, I’m ready to be turned in ways I didn’t think I could turn and most of all, I’m ready to get to back to me!

I believe we can all make 2023 our sexy year. If we stay mindful and practice good habits everyday we will get there! Here are some of the reasons that were hindering me from accomplishing my goals. I know everyone is different but I hope you can find something useful on this list.

Also, don’t be too hard on yourself when you figure out the “why”. Just be grateful you found out sooner than later.

What are your sex goals for 2023? Comment below.

Reasons Why You Are Not Achieving Your Sex Goals

Your goals are unrealistic

Some people don’t ever reach their goals because their goals are too vague and unrealistic. It’s easy to say you want to be the best at giving head or you want a million dollars but, how do you get there? I think we get so caught up with the end result that we forget that we actually have to do the work to get there.

Try breaking your goals into smaller and more specific goals.

The smaller goals is the work to get you to that bigger picture. You’ll find that achieving these smaller goals are much more rewarding than trying to do it without any plan.

Negative self-talk

Could you be listening to the negative talk in your head? It’s easy to let negative self-talk ramble in your head to the point you stop going after what you want. Next time you find yourself questioning your abilities, write it down!

You need to be aware when you do it to be able to stop.

As soon as you catch yourself, identify it and tell yourself the opposite of what it’s saying.

For example, while I was sick in my room I had a lot of time to think. I found myself questioning my abilities and doubting myself if I could even run a successful sex blog. I was being hard on myself for not working on Sexish while I WAS SICK. That was my brain trying to make me give up over one little thing. I recognized it and said NOPE. I had to tell myself I just started being consistent and I can’t stop now! I have nothing to lose and everything to gain at this point. At that moment I felt powerful.

Your focus is all over the place

A mantra that I live by is “Repetition is Mastery.” It means that you have to repeat something

for you to become good at it. Without it, you won’t see yourself improve. The reason why I found myself not achieving some of my goals was because I wasn’t focused on one thing. I was doing too many tasks at once which made it hard for me to see any accomplishments. I saw more unfinished work than finished work.

So try focusing on one thing and see where that takes you.

– Why are You doing It?

Why did you come up with this goal in the first place? Business books and self-help books always go back to the same thing when you’re lost, YOU! It’s easy to get lost when there are so many things trying to influence everyone these days. Go back to your roots and forget what everyone else is doing.

Go back to the reason why YOU came up with this goal in the first place.

-Too much control

It could be that you are trying to control the outcome. I find that when I could point out all of the things that can go wrong, I already put too much expectations on it. Especially when it comes to sex. Sex should be freeing not controlling! More on this on another post…

Have goals and be open to whatever comes your way.

– Fear of Failure

You’re so afraid to fail that you don’t even try. I’m sorry to tell you but you’re going to fail at one point. Life is about failing and then learning from it. If you don’t fail, how do you know what your best looks like? Just try!! No one is looking, I promise you!


Excuses , excuses, excuses. You probably aren’t achieving your goals because you’re making all these excuses! To me, excuses means not taking responsibility. I do not want to hear that you do not have time while there are people out here working 2 jobs and working on their dream job at the same time. If you really want to achieve your goals you will make time for it!

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”

Benjamin Franklin

I hope this list was enlightening! I really believe that we can do whatever we put our minds to. You just really need to WANT!

My 2023 sex goals is coming soon…

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh

Buy me sex toys to review on my Amazon wish list here. 😀

I Wish I knew This Before Exploring My Sexuality

What I wish I knew before exploring my sexuality: (Some but not all)

– I am worth it. I am enough.

– When you’re young it’s easy for older people to take advantage of your naivety.

– Boundaries.

– Sex Toys.

– You can have amazing sex with someone you love.

I started exploring my sexuality after my relationship with someone for 3 years. In those 3 years, the sex was pretty regular. We were young just pumping around. After that, I became dick crazy. I loved the new attention I was getting from men. I knew I was cute, but I didn’t know I was hot like that.

I remember the first time someone asked for my number at the club. He was on the lower level and I was above him. He handed me his phone and I put my number in with no hesitation. No hello or no “what’s your name?”. I just gave him my number. Don’t worry, nothing happened. I learned shortly after that you probably should learn someone’s name before giving out your number.

At the time, I didn’t feel bad because I was living in the moment. I was living my younger 20s like how one should. I was young and reckless doing it for the stories. When the fun ended which was right around COVID, I had so much time to myself to think about who I was and what I’ve been doing these past couple of years. It didn’t take long for the anxiety to kick in because I didn’t know who I was.

Most of my insecurities started when I began to explore my sexuality. Which is normal when you’re put into new situations and you don’t know how to handle it. Exploring your sexuality is a journey and not all journey’s are easy. We have to go through shit to learn. It’s impossible to have learned what I learned without going through it first.

With that being said, while there are things you have to experience, there are also things in life you should always know and remember when you are going through your sexual journey.

I think often times as women we can get carried away with good dick or our first love that we forget to prioritize ourselves. Below are things I wish someone had reminded me along my journey so that I wouldn’t be stuck with the feelings of insecurity.


Before going on my sexual journey, I wish I had always thought I was enough. There were so many times when I blamed myself for a guy not wanting to go on a date with me or be my boyfriend. I would think there was something wrong with me.

Now, I know it’s not my fault and it never was. In therapy we learn there is “my” business, the other person’s business and then the universe’s business. When you are going into someone else’s business, you no longer have control. People’s actions are always a reflection of themselves, not of you. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then he’s going through his own internal issues. You can’t control how someone feels. It’s up to you to know your own worth and if you want to put up with it.


I have always been into older men. It started with 3 years older to 8 years older to 19 years older and then 30 years older. I don’t care what anyone says, I genuinely liked all the men I was with. It had nothing to do with financial reasons. I think most of the men I was with knew this about me and took advantage of it.

Since I was naive, I believed the things that were being told to me. I even lowered my boundaries because I figured they knew more than me. It wasn’t until I started to blame myself for letting the shit happen to me that I realized I’m not the one to blame.

It’s not my fault I didn’t know any better because of my age. I haven’t lived as long as them to know what they were doing to me. I was dealing with older men who’s been through life. Hell, he was even alive during Martin Luther King. It’s hard to believe that they didn’t know what they were doing.

So when dealing with older men or anyone, be aware of how they treat you. If you think something is off and unusual it’s most likely that they’re stepping over your boundaries and you need to check with yourself. Don’t let the oldies mess with you!!!


That leads me to boundaries. When people think of boundaries they think of it as some rigid thing. It’s all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be. Sometimes you don’t even know you need to set boundaries until something bothers you. When I was hoeing around (having sex with consent and it was my choice), there were times when I felt like I had to be a people pleaser. It’s going back to not thinking I was enough therefore I felt like I had to compensate for it. I remember there were times people said things to me that I didn’t like and even agreed with them because I was afraid they wouldn’t like me anymore. FUCK THAT.

You must have boundaries in all your relationships even the situationships! I don’t care if you guys are only fucking on the weekends, there must be boundaries set up. When you don’t set boundaries for yourself you’ll end up feeling regretful and it’s not a great feeling. I wish I had set boundaries for myself because then I probably wouldn’t have stayed in the toxic relationships for so long.


The time I spent worrying about people who didn’t care about me, I should’ve been fucking myself. I should’ve been using all that money to commute for dick on sex toys. I wish I knew to discover my body by myself first before trying to do it with people who didn’t respect me. You know what sex toys can’t do that humans do all the time? Disrespect you- unless the battery dies on you before you cum.


When I was young and reckless, I didn’t think being in a relationship was possible for me. I even started to get comfortable with the idea that I was going to be single for life. I figured it can’t be too bad. I’ll just get a bunch of dogs who love me and I’ll live happily ever after.

Young me always believed that the best dick came from strangers who didn’t want to get to know you. I told you I was naive! Oh young Theresa, if only you knew there was gonna be a hot sexy man who respects and who loves you for you in LA.

I wish I knew I was capable of falling in love and having good sex at the same time. If anything, it is much better when you are in love! There’s no better feeling than doing the things you love with someone who is just obsessed with you. It removes the anxiety of constantly overthinking about what he might be thinking about you.

I hope when you’re on you sex journey you think about these things. You are worth it and don’t let anyone make you feel you aren’t. You are beautiful, you are a human, you have goals, you have dreams, you have a personality. Don’t let ANYONE take that away from you.

What do you wish you knew before exploring your sexuality?

Stay Sexy & Curious!

Instagram: @Sexishh

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