I Wish I knew This Before Exploring My Sexuality
What I wish I knew before exploring my sexuality: (Some but not all)
– I am worth it. I am enough.
– When you’re young it’s easy for older people to take advantage of your naivety.
– Sex Toys.
– You can have amazing sex with someone you love.
I started exploring my sexuality after my relationship with someone for 3 years. In those 3 years, the sex was pretty regular. We were young just pumping around. After that, I became dick crazy. I loved the new attention I was getting from men. I knew I was cute, but I didn’t know I was hot like that.
I remember the first time someone asked for my number at the club. He was on the lower level and I was above him. He handed me his phone and I put my number in with no hesitation. No hello or no “what’s your name?”. I just gave him my number. Don’t worry, nothing happened. I learned shortly after that you probably should learn someone’s name before giving out your number.
At the time, I didn’t feel bad because I was living in the moment. I was living my younger 20s like how one should. I was young and reckless doing it for the stories. When the fun ended which was right around COVID, I had so much time to myself to think about who I was and what I’ve been doing these past couple of years. It didn’t take long for the anxiety to kick in because I didn’t know who I was.
Most of my insecurities started when I began to explore my sexuality. Which is normal when you’re put into new situations and you don’t know how to handle it. Exploring your sexuality is a journey and not all journey’s are easy. We have to go through shit to learn. It’s impossible to have learned what I learned without going through it first.
With that being said, while there are things you have to experience, there are also things in life you should always know and remember when you are going through your sexual journey.
I think often times as women we can get carried away with good dick or our first love that we forget to prioritize ourselves. Below are things I wish someone had reminded me along my journey so that I wouldn’t be stuck with the feelings of insecurity.
I AM WORTH IT. I AM ENOUGH.
Before going on my sexual journey, I wish I had always thought I was enough. There were so many times when I blamed myself for a guy not wanting to go on a date with me or be my boyfriend. I would think there was something wrong with me.
Now, I know it’s not my fault and it never was. In therapy we learn there is “my” business, the other person’s business and then the universe’s business. When you are going into someone else’s business, you no longer have control. People’s actions are always a reflection of themselves, not of you. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, then he’s going through his own internal issues. You can’t control how someone feels. It’s up to you to know your own worth and if you want to put up with it.
WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG, IT’S EASY FOR OLDER PEOPLE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.
I have always been into older men. It started with 3 years older to 8 years older to 19 years older and then 30 years older. I don’t care what anyone says, I genuinely liked all the men I was with. It had nothing to do with financial reasons. I think most of the men I was with knew this about me and took advantage of it.
Since I was naive, I believed the things that were being told to me. I even lowered my boundaries because I figured they knew more than me. It wasn’t until I started to blame myself for letting the shit happen to me that I realized I’m not the one to blame.
It’s not my fault I didn’t know any better because of my age. I haven’t lived as long as them to know what they were doing to me. I was dealing with older men who’s been through life. Hell, he was even alive during Martin Luther King. It’s hard to believe that they didn’t know what they were doing.
So when dealing with older men or anyone, be aware of how they treat you. If you think something is off and unusual it’s most likely that they’re stepping over your boundaries and you need to check with yourself. Don’t let the oldies mess with you!!!
That leads me to boundaries. When people think of boundaries they think of it as some rigid thing. It’s all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be. Sometimes you don’t even know you need to set boundaries until something bothers you. When I was hoeing around (having sex with consent and it was my choice), there were times when I felt like I had to be a people pleaser. It’s going back to not thinking I was enough therefore I felt like I had to compensate for it. I remember there were times people said things to me that I didn’t like and even agreed with them because I was afraid they wouldn’t like me anymore. FUCK THAT.
You must have boundaries in all your relationships even the situationships! I don’t care if you guys are only fucking on the weekends, there must be boundaries set up. When you don’t set boundaries for yourself you’ll end up feeling regretful and it’s not a great feeling. I wish I had set boundaries for myself because then I probably wouldn’t have stayed in the toxic relationships for so long.
The time I spent worrying about people who didn’t care about me, I should’ve been fucking myself. I should’ve been using all that money to commute for dick on sex toys. I wish I knew to discover my body by myself first before trying to do it with people who didn’t respect me. You know what sex toys can’t do that humans do all the time? Disrespect you- unless the battery dies on you before you cum.
YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE
When I was young and reckless, I didn’t think being in a relationship was possible for me. I even started to get comfortable with the idea that I was going to be single for life. I figured it can’t be too bad. I’ll just get a bunch of dogs who love me and I’ll live happily ever after.
Young me always believed that the best dick came from strangers who didn’t want to get to know you. I told you I was naive! Oh young Theresa, if only you knew there was gonna be a hot sexy man who respects and who loves you for you in LA.
I wish I knew I was capable of falling in love and having good sex at the same time. If anything, it is much better when you are in love! There’s no better feeling than doing the things you love with someone who is just obsessed with you. It removes the anxiety of constantly overthinking about what he might be thinking about you.
I hope when you’re on you sex journey you think about these things. You are worth it and don’t let anyone make you feel you aren’t. You are beautiful, you are a human, you have goals, you have dreams, you have a personality. Don’t let ANYONE take that away from you.
What do you wish you knew before exploring your sexuality?
Stay Sexy & Curious!
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