Feeling Unsexy is Normal
Pre-covid I was single roaming the streets of New York City being a proud hoe. I was in my early twenties doing it right. I flirted with every man and woman any chance I could get, I slept with strangers, I partied with celebrities, I was having the best and worst orgasms, I made out with people I shouldn’t have, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on! I was doing all of this unapologetically. It was unpredictable, sexy and exciting!
Fast forward to COVID taking two years off my life and all of a sudden I’m an adult who has to get their shit together. I no longer have time to “figure things out.” I know you’re probably thinking, “you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself.” Well, I wish that was the case but, I have plans on moving to LA and “figuring it out” is not going to get me there fast enough.
I came to this realization about a month ago but I have been feeling this pressure for a couple of months now. In those couple of months leading to now, I’ve felt different. I haven’t been feeling sexy.
Usually when I’m feeling sexy, I’m more sexually motivated. I’ll try new sex toys, new sex positions, new sex acts, watch porn, and masturbate. I found myself doing less and less of it everyday. If anything I found myself being more hard on myself which was affecting my overall sexual desires.
I cried to my boyfriend about how I felt. I explained to him how I used to feel so sexy and how now I’m feeling blah. “Is it me?!”Ofcourse, he reassured me that I was still sexy and that he’d still fuck the shit out of me anytime of the day. (Oh, did that get me wet 😛 ) But he also told me something that I needed to hear, which was life was happening to me.
He was right! It’s not a surprise that in our first year of our relationship it was all fun and games. We’d fuck each other as if it was going to be our last time every time, we’d stay up playing dominos, we’d even sleep in during the week. It was like we had no jobs except to please each other. Oh the honeymoon phase is the best! Then we started to go on trips and then holidays started piling up which only meant more money coming out of our pockets.
Suddenly, money had to come somewhere. That meant working longer hours, making deadlines and for me, picking something I loved to do that would make me money. All of this made it harder for us to find time to be sexy. I haven’t even had time to clean my asshole out for anal sex! This was sad to me but a wake up call.
I started to think about the women who work hard 5 times a week, the women who feel they don’t have time to feel sexy. It’s not easy for them to practice sexy when they are exhausted from a full day of work. With that being said, I had to tell myself what I was feeling is normal.
Especially during a time when I was juggling so many projects at once. Pressure will do that to you. There are always going to be outside forces that is going to prevent you from being sexy ALL THE TIME. We can’t blame ourselves for that.
Instead the best thing to do is acknowledge the work that you are doing in the moment. Are you proud of that work? Was the work you were doing towards a goal? All those questions matter.
While I would love to fuck all day, I had to adjust to the transition from fun to business. I still believe exploring your sexual side is just as important as work but I understand we can’t dedicate every single second of the day to it. It doesn’t mean to choose not to be sexy ever, it just means you go all out sexy when YOU CAN.
Here are some things I do for myself whenever I get the chance to be sexy
– Listen to musicals. I love musicals and that always put a smile on my face. That brings me to who I am as a person.
– Listen to a sexy song that has hoe tendencies. EX: Lil kim, Megan Thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj.
– Wear sexy underwear for when I “accidentally” drop something in front of my boyfriend.
– Run a mile/ go to the gym. I love how my body (mostly my butt) looks after an intense workout.
– Journal a sexy story.
– Go to a sex shop and look at the new sex toys.
– Give my boyfriend a blowjob at the most random times.
– Masturbate / meditate
– Take a sexy selfie and send it to my bf
– Stretch naked in front of a mirror
– Wear no underwear on date night
In conclusion, just because you are busy doesn’t make you unsexy. If anything just you thinking about how unsexy you are makes you sexy because you want to get back to it. If you really want it, you will make the time for it.
Stay Sexy & Curious
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Disclaimer: Many of the links provided are affiliate links which means that I may get commission if you purchase something using the link on my website. (Thank you in advance) This is at no cost to you at all. I only share things that I believe would help one in their sexual journey. All my opinions and advice are my own. I am not a doctor or therapist so if you have any real life concerning questions, I am not the one.