Have you ever wondered how easily it is for men to orgasm compared to you? It seems like all men need is penetration to orgasm and they’re good. It’s more complicated for us women.
We need scenery, we need vibes, we need comfort.
In other words, we need to be in the right mindset. If our mind is wandering, it can take us from a couple of minutes to hours to orgasm or sometimes we don’t even orgasm at all.
This is an Orgasm gap. An Orgasm gap is the discrepancy in orgasms between couples. A 2017 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior studied over 52,500 adult Americans. What they found is crazy but not surprising. They found that 95% of men said they usually or always climaxed while only 65% of women said they usually or always climaxed. That sounds like a gaped asshole to me.
Illustration by @Janailustration
There are many reason to why we have this orgasm gap. One of the reasons is what I mentioned above. We need to be in the right mindset to have an orgasm. Have you ever wondered why we’re so turned on one moment then as soon as we think about doing our laundry even for just a second, we’re totally not into it anymore? If this happens to you, this is normal. Unfortunately, once we get distracted, it’s hard for some of us to get back into it.
Another reason for the orgasm gap is because we are not familiar with our bodies.
According to a study from YouGov, there is a lack of knowledge about the female anatomy from both men and women. While both genders were able to identify where the clitoris was, it was a different story for when they had to identify the vulva, vagina, and the labia. How can we know what makes us orgasm if we don’t know what feels good to us? This is why it’s so important that women masturbate and get to know their bodies. If we confidently know what feels good to us, it’ll be easier for us navigate our partner around our body.
Last but not least, the orgasm gap is still prevalent because while some of us women will roll over to grab our vibrators to make sure we orgasm, there are many of us who won’t. In fact, because many women are not orgasming during sex they are expecting every sexual encounter or session with their partner to be the same, ORGASM-LESS!
A study at Rutgers not only proves that there is an Orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women, but found out that because women know there is this gap, they “put less emphasis on the importance of orgasm for their sexual satisfaction compared to men “.
“Our expectations are shaped by our experiences, so when women orgasm less, they will desire and expect to orgasm less,” said Grace Wetzel, a Rutgers social psychology doctoral student who advocates for orgasm equity to her 10,000 followers onsocial media. “If women do lower their expectations in this way, the more orgasm inequality may perpetuate in relationships.”
Don’t let the orgasm gap fool you into thinking achieving an orgasm is impossible. It just means we need to get to know our bodies more and start expecting to orgasm every time we have sex. Not sometimes, but all the time. We need to acknowledge the importance of our pleasure and the empowerment we get from it.
Forget the mindset where you expect to not orgasm because you don’t think it’s possible or you think you have to lay there and “take it. Just like you can change a negative thought to a positive one, you can tell yourself that you deserve to have an orgasm every time!
As women, we’re programmed to cater to our partners and worry about their feelings. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re coming too. It’s time to start thinking about yourself.
– Next time it takes you a while to orgasm, have a talk with your partner about being more patient if you feel some type of pressure.
– Having trouble orgasming can be linked to not knowing your body enough. Try to make more time to masturbate to figure out what feels good for you. You can even ask your partner to join you if you want to make this an exploring session.
– Some people may not be comfortable using their hands to masturbate. Head over to your local sex shop and ask what toys will work for you.
Remember, part of being able to change the world is by owning every part of yourself, that includes your erotic.Try taking your pleasure power back by telling yourself that you are going to orgasm today no matter what. Watch how many orgasm come afterwards.
Stay Sexy & Curious!